love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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