idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
