So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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