What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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