3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
