he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
