I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
