I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
