I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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