you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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