Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
3 2 1 whiskey
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
