we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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