Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
