you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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