A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
