I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
