After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
