well you can't waste a boner
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
PANTIES FOUND
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
