Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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