I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We have started to decorate penises.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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