When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
