I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
