You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
