i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I skipped work to stalk him.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
