we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
