I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
COCAINE IS GR8
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
