Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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