dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
