Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
