if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
