Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
