I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
