Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is classic penis vs brain.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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