As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
