Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
