We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
