I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
