Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
where are my eyebrows?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
