I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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