Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
