That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
