We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so let's talk penis.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
