I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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