Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
