I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
