Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
