It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
