she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
