Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
