He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How external is "for external use only"?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
