just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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