i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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