cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
