she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Floor bacon is actually really good
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
