his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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