The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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